You wake up in the morning covered in a cold sweat. It seems that you have had an awful dream, although you have no time to worry about that now. Looking over at your clock you see that you will be late for work if you don’t hurry. Heading to your bathroom in hopes of grabbing a quick shower you feel compelled to stop and look into the mirror.
How odd though, you’ve seen yourself many times before so why do you feel compelled to stare upon yourself once more? Something feels off though, you can’t seem to place what it is though. You continue to stare into the glass only to see a reflective metallic surface that takes the light you give off and bounces back into your eyes so that you may perceive yourself as you are now. As you see this image in your mind you wonder, is that really you right now? The image seems to move as you do and mimic every gesture that you make, but for some unexplained reason you feel as if it is not you.
How long have you been staring at this person who gives you such and uneasy feeling; has it been seconds, minutes, hours, or even days, you do not know the answer yourself. This thought doesn’t stop you though as you continue to stare into the visage of this creature who is in every way like you, but is not you at all. You reach out your hand to try and touch them to validate whether or not they are real, but your hand slips through the mirror. It seems as if the mirror is made out of some sort of viscous fluid; compelled by nothing more than the human condition to explore the unknown you plunge your hand further into the mirror.
On the other side of it you feel something so you wrap your hand around it and pull. You pull and pull and pull until you are past the frame and are now on the other side. As you get up to look around you see nothing but darkness; the world now only consists of a never ending void. Upon turning around you see the only other thing in this empty world other than you, it is the mirror. The mirror seems to be supported by no other structure it’s just there as it has always been. Looking past the mirror you see something, it is your bathroom and you are standing there as well.
How can that be, you inquire yourself, I’m right here aren’t I? The image of you on the other side of the mirror turns it’s face upwards to reveal eyes completely devoid of any color or characteristics. They seem to be smiling, no that is not a smile. That foul beast continues to stare at your with that dastardly and terrifying expression on it’s face. It picks up a nearby razor and you know what it wants; therefore you cry and plead banging on the mirror hoping to stop the beast in it’s endeavors, but it is a pointless action. The creature raises the blade to it’s throat, no to your throat, and digs hard into your flesh. You soon find it hard to breathe, or even speak, as blood trickles out of your mouth you look down to find that your throat has become a waterfall gushing out massive waves of blood. As you choke on your own blood you attempt to scream for help, but there is no one nearby to help you. With the last bits of your vision fading you fall to the floor cursing that monster for what it has done to you.
Then all of a sudden you see a bright light; a warm feeling washes over you and you accept what lies beyond it. You wake up in the morning covered in a cold sweat. It seems that you have had an awful dream, although you have no time to worry about that now. Looking over at your clock you see that you will be late for work if you don’t hurry. Heading to your bathroom in hopes of grabbing a quick shower you feel compelled to stop and look into the mirror.
First off I’ve been listening to Welcome to Nightvale for a long while now. I came across it when it was first starting out and I never expected it to blow up like it did. I thoroughly enjoy it and always can’t wait for the next episode. The good things that the fandom has brought is that they help keep Nightvale going so we can all enjoy it. I also constantly come across a lot of cool and interesting fan art. Finally all the weird stuff I say now has a place. If I write down anything weird, odd, or surreal now it has a home in the Nightvale fandom. Therefore thank you Nightvale fandom.
Lately I’ve been practicing my drawing in an attempt to get better at it. I always hear the same thing, “You’ll get better with more practice.” That’s like saying you’ll learn Calculus the more you stare at the book, for some people it works and others need someone to help them through it. I’ve tried to watch artist live streams to help learn how to draw better, but they all move so quickly and without warning. I need to find something slow if possible. I’ve always enjoyed writing and drawing as hobbies and I’d like to try and get better at them. Although for the time being it’s gonna be a bit difficult.
*Beginning note that Conbot2 is a gender neutral identity, and that I will try to approach this subject as a sociologist or anthropologist would. That means that personal feelings will be kept out of this topic, but I have observed parts of Tumblr and will offer my analysis of it. Now whether or not you agree is completely up to you; I don’t want to force anyone to believe anything they don’t want to, I’m just offering some food for thought.*
*Plus all of the observations taken for data have come from observing over 500 posts under the feminist tag on Tumblr, your search results may be different then mine because of different updates between the time I observed the posts and the time you are reading this now. Also any posts mentioned in this will remain anonymous.*
Feminism, the word means many different things depending on the individual who hears it and their experience with the phrase. Feminism is often defined by many though as an equal rights movement for people of any and all sexes or genders. Meaning the belief that everyone should be treated the same within their society regardless of their sex or gender. On Tumblr this unfortunately barely seems to be the case, rather there seems to be terrible forms of delivering the feminist message, advocation for more sexism and even some transphobia.
Firstly let’s tackle the terrible delivery of the feminist message. Several of the posts and rants I came across often seemed light hearted and filled with good intentions, but had a terrible method of delivery. Most of the time this was because people often used text lingo in their arguments and had large amounts of misspelling plaguing their posts. The unprofessional writing of these posts made it seem as though their argument wasn’t credible; if they were to fix those mistakes then they would have no problems at all. One more problem I came across in this field was on the topic of body shaming. Body shaming is seen as a feminist issue because of the way certain sexes and genders are portrayed as body wise by the media. These feminist were trying to convey the message that no one should be ashamed of their body, but they often used pornographic pictures of themselves. Yet again it was a good and well intentioned message with poor delivery method. You lose credibility in some people’s eyes when you post pornographic pictures of yourself to try and further your point. If you want people to listen to you you should try and use the proper version of your language and not use pornographic images to try and explain your views.
Secondly the constant advocation of more sexism. This part of the topic was unfortunately the first issue that came up. The first post that I managed to lay my eyes on was calling for the beheading of all males, what a way to start off. At first my hope was that this would be a small outlier in my data, but unfortunately it was not. Many posts that I came across were often calling for more sexism. Feminism is the movement for equality for all sexes and genders, not a means to start a sex or gender war. On Tumblr though this unfortunately doesn’t seem to be the case, because often under the feminist tag you can see that when many people hide behind their keyboards they can be cruel and unforgiving.
Lastly the spread of transphobia. (Personally this part made me a bit sick, but I have to keep personal feelings out of this.) After going through and recording the data of the first couple hundred posts I thought to myself, “Where are the trans issue bloggers?” Feminism, last time I checked, is the movement to equalize the various sexes and genders of humanity within our societies and I thought the trans community would be a big part of it on Tumblr. I finally found my answer as to why I saw no trans bloggers, it seems because many might have been afraid of posting under the feminist tag because of the community surrounding it. After the first couple hundred posts I finally found the first post that even so much as mentioned trans people, and it was unfortunately terrible. One blogger had it in their mind that transwomen aren’t real. They stated that, “I don’t care if you think you’re a woman. You can say I’m a woman all you want, but as long as you have a penis you’re still a man. Even after any fancy surgery you are still a man and you will never be a woman.” I already know several people who’d be extremely pissed off about that. Misgendering someone is extremely hurtful to them. As with the issue of man hating this was unfortunately not an outlier in my data that I found from Tumblr. Never once though was anything mentioned about the transgender community that wasn’t transwoman when it came to subjects under the feminist tag. Once more feminism is about the equality of all sexes and genders not just a select few.
In the end from a first hand observation the Tumblr feminist community seems to be a mess. Some have a hard time conveying their messages properly or in a helpful manner. Along with a mix of sexism and transphobia when the idea of feminism, as stated several times, is the equality of all sexes and genders.
Now for the sexism and transphobia, this is not what all feminists are like, but it’s seemingly what a large part of the Tumblr feminist community is like. It’s a large misrepresentation of the feminist community. Which is odd on a website where many claim to want equality that a complete misrepresentation of that idea would be allowed.
This is not meant to make anyone think differently it’s just my own personal rant. I would like to hear people’s thoughts though, so any thoughts or insight on this issue?
I’ve been so busy over the past few weeks that I’ve barely been able to visit this website, let alone update my blog. Well I’m back and I’ll obviously have more stuff for those who want it.
As part of my IT major I’m also required to learn basic animation. So far the class seems rather boring as it only covers basic photoshop stuff that anyone can figure out by playing around with photoshop for about 10 minutes. I hope this class will allow me to put my new drawing tablet to good use. The only problem now is I have to download adobe flash, luckily I get it for free or else I’d be out like one hundred more dollars. Hopefully my drawing skills will improve enough that I can make something worth showing.
Relay for life is coming around once more this year. Last year I participated in the event to raise money for cancer research. It was a lot of fun I worked at the booth for the cosplay club and took pictures with people as the eleventh doctor to raise money; then later into the night I dressed as Slender Man and people payed me to scare their friends. The cosplay club raised over 1,000 USD, which is a lot for about six people. Another friend of mine who wasn’t in the club at the time stayed up with me and they helped me run the booth for a majority of the time. Me, my girlfriend, and my very helpful friend all got massages together from one of the booths. The massages only lasted for about fifteenth minutes, but those where some of the best fifteenth minutes of my life. If you can get a massage from a professional I highly recommend it.
Aside from cosplay club, pictures, scaring people, and massages there was one other event I sincerely enjoyed, the miss relay pageant. The miss relay pageant is considered by many to be a “joke” pageant in which males will often dress in girl clothing as a form of a parody pageant. I often partake in and enjoy these. Although I enjoy these for a much different reason than everyone else does. Gender is complex, and for me my mind seems to swap which gender I am frequently. A good amount of the time I feel like I don’t have a gender at all, sometimes I am a guy, and other times I am a girl. Usually I use video games to allow me to be a girl, and I am happy because I don’t get many instances in real life to be girl me basically. I participate in the “joke” pageants because it allows me to fulfill the times my gender is female and then play it off as a joke afterwards if anyone asks me about it later. They make me happy and help me avoid any sort of awkward confrontation or hate later on.
In the last pageant I kind of did everything last minute so I wasn’t totally prepared, but I was happy nonetheless. The problem is that last year was the last time they were doing it. I’ve been disappointed that I couldn’t do it again for awhile now. After I heard they wouldn’t be doing it again I’ve been trying to ask around and find out why they’ve cancelled the event. The first person I asked, who I probably shouldn’t have asked at all, was a friend of my girlfriend who hates me to the core for no good reason. She never did give me a clear response because she kept shooting me down and badmouthing me when I was just trying to ask her a simple question; I only asked her in the first place because I overheard her say she knew why they cancelled the event indefinitely.
I continued to ask around for awhile and continue to only get mixed responses from people. The most common response I keep getting is that too many people complained about it and found it offensive, how was it offensive? I have no idea how or why anyone would consider it offensive, it was a fun good time, and for me it was one of the few times I could be a girl and it was socially acceptable. I’m a bit disappointed, but I still plan to have fun in the up and coming relay for life.
If anyone has spent a decent amount of time with a significant other, I’m pretty sure they’ve asked a dumb couple question at least once. I know I ask them seemingly every few weeks now as me and my girlfriend are about to hit our one year anniversary. What define as a dumb couple question is a basic what if question that you ask your mate to see how they respond to try and measure how they feel about you.
Recently my dumb couple question was, what if I decided to go out drinking. Not passed out, but drunk or at least buzzed. Now for some background info my girlfriend is very anti underage drinking, she tends to strictly follow laws and rules no matter what. I’ve got about one more year until I can do it legally, but what if I decided to do it now was my question.
I asked this because I knew how much she dislikes underage drinking, because it’s breaking the law, so in my head it was a way to see if she cared more about rules than me. She responded by saying that she’d be worried if I was ok, that she would worry that I’d get in trouble, and that she’d be very disappointed in me. At first I was kind of happy with the response because it seems that in that situation she’d still care about me, but the last statement hit me like a ton of bricks. In the end she’d still feel negatively towards me because I was breaking a small rule, and that kind of hurts a bit. The reason why it kind of hurts is because to me it still sounds like she doesn’t feel so strongly about me that’d she’d still love me after a broke a small rule, it looks a bit stupid as I type it out though.
As usual though she asked me the same question back to gauge my response. I responded that I could care less about the laws, rules, and restrictions that are placed, I would just make sure she was alright. That she wouldn’t do something stupid and give her water in case she got a hangover. I’d also help her if she started puking by getting her anything she needs and cleaning up after her. I also stated that if she felt like drinking a bit I would make sure she did it responsibly and stop her if she started to become an alcoholic. I ended with reminding her that I love her and I just want her to be safe and happy because somethings are more important than laws or rules.
I’ve been dealing with drinkers since High School so I already know what to do and that people are gonna keep doing it. I just still feel a bit disappointed that she would feel negative towards me if I where to choose to break that small rule. It kind of makes me feel like if she was ordered to shoot me by some authority figure that she would definitely do it. That may sound a bit overboard, but I tend to get more emotional late at night.
If you’d like to share what are some of your dumb couple question moments, I’d love to hear them.